Friday, 24 February 2017

Remarks on Trump by a Toddler


Another toddler disavows Trump.

Listen up, people, because I have some things to say about Donald Trump. I'd rather be playing with my building blocks, but the time has come for me to speak up on behalf of the toddler community.

Over and over again, news reports depict Trump as a toddler. This is a grievous slur upon me and everyone else in my age group.

It's really frustrating getting through life when you have a vocabulary of less than fifty words, and the world is run by grown-up people who do things for incomprehensible reasons. Sometimes the frustration gets the better of me and I throw a tantrum. I admit it, Trump and I have that much in common.

Give me a break, though. I have kindness and empathy. I'm learning to share. I like to help people.

I take joy in the simple things of life. Last week when Daddy was deciding what to get me for dinner, I yelled "potato" and got the bag of potatoes out of the cupboard, and he got the message and made me a baked potato. That was awesome, I'm telling you.

I love stories and animals and splashing in puddles. This Trump guy needs a good splash in a puddle, or a nice puppy he can play with, or someone to read him a story with funny pictures. Maybe then he wouldn't be so angry all the time.

Then again, maybe that wouldn't work. I've got a reason for emotional immaturity. I'm only two. My neurological development isn't up to delayed gratification or parsing complex subjects. Trump's seventy, and I can't count that high yet, but I know it's really old. So I don't know what his excuse is.

Be that as it may, you grown-ups should know better. Calling Trump a toddler is an insult to toddlers, so knock it off already.

Now if you'll excuse me, the cat just walked by and requires my urgent attention. Kitty!

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